No Candy Mountain ⇒ w/ hardcoresenior

[hardcoresenior]

[There is a reason why you don't let granddaughters sneak around old meat factories only to have her call you frantically on her phone about being stuck in the back of a truck with some crazy man. Said crazy man has had a weird aura around his eyes. Obviously, this would make sixty-two year old grandmother, Sandy Lenora Viers hideously furious.

Thankfully, Leona had sent her two texts- one with the address of the farm she's in and two another address leading to a bookshop...]

look for the wizard

tell him its me and ask 4 help pls hurry i dont like this place!!

im okay but get help theres something in the barn i think it eats people

[Sandy does not have time to mess around, but despite her granddaughter's penchant for getting in trouble with the supernatural, she also had a penchant for getting the right kind of help from them. And lord knows, Sandy's going to get this wizard to help save her baby girl or heaven help us.

So here, have a sharp-eyed and surprisingly not that wizened elderly slamming the door open to the magical book shop.

She doesn't look like she wants to joke right now.]

Comments

[hardcoresenior]

Give me some credit.

I didn't barge in with the shotgun.

[animated]

You have a shotgun.

... Okay, sure. Why not?

[hardcoresenior]

My husband was a practical man.

[animated]

As long as I'm never on the business end of one of those shotguns, by all means, tote around a shotgun.

[hardcoresenior]

Leona knows how to use one too.

God, I knew I should have told her to carry one around.

[Except she isn't supposed too... gun laws and all lol]

[animated]

She's just a kid. She can't just go around with a shotgun slung over one shoulder.

[hardcoresenior]

I know that.

[And there's beginning to be less and less buildings and more grass and fields]

[animated]

How much further?

[hardcoresenior]

Should be almost there-

[And another text!

Are unicorns supposed to be mean

where r you it sounds hungry and the farmer keeps arguing w/ it]

[animated]

... She says it's a unicorn?

Better step on it- I think we're running out of time.

[hardcoresenior]

Unicorns eat people? For goodness sakes, it just gets more ridiculous each and every time--!!

[And stepping on it and there's a barn in sight, devoid of any life- grass is overgrown and basically it's uncared for.]

[animated]

Not usually!

We should split up. It might remember that she had one other person with her, but we need to keep the element of surprise.

[hardcoresenior]

They're supposed to be nice aren't they?

[PING.

omg of all times to be a virgin HURRY WHERE R U]

... She'll thank me one day.

[Parking somewhere behind a cluster of trees and hopping out of the truck]

[animated]

Weirder things have happened.

[ He eyes the barn- looks like there's a hayloft ]

You wanna take the hayloft or the front door?

[hardcoresenior]

[Grabbing something from the trunk...

KCHK.

My that is a large shotgun]

Ask her where she is first.

[animated]

[ note to self, don't make grandma mad

also texting: ]

where r u

[hardcoresenior]

[in the barn 2nd story

horses cant climb its gone b careful

There's something rustling in the bushes far away, but Sandy's keeping an eye out]

[animated]

She's up top. Looks like the unicorn is gone.

[ his eyes flick to the rustling bushes ] Unless that's it.

[hardcoresenior]

You go get her, I'll keep your back covered. I'm not letting that bastard near her if it's the last thing I do.

[animated]

Right. ... Be careful.

[ He moves to the outside entrance to the hayloft. He sketches out a quick rune,and a nearby rope uncoils like a snake, hoisting him up. ]

Leona?

[nightcharm]

Oh my god!

[Leona's backed up against the wall at his sudden appearance. She hasn't slept a wink, lips are dry, there's some scratches, but otherwise it's a miracle she's unscathed]

You... you actually came! Where's Sandy!?

[animated]

Come here, honey. [ he holds out a hand to her, ready to pull her into an embrace. Poor girl looks like she could use a hug ]

She's on the ground, waiting for us. Let's get you out of here.

[nightcharm]

[Accepting the hand and the hug, the barn was too dark and musty and she was scared as hell]

The unicorn- it's actually physically weak so that's why it wanted to eat me. Virgins are extra healthy apparently. It needs strength, but yeah, like hell I'm becoming dinner.

[animated]

Like hell I'm gonna let you become dinner.

Let's get out of here, okay?

[nightcharm]

Right.

... Could we find out where it came from though? We gotta make sure there's no more man-eating unicorns around just in case.