blackgale | Trepidation ⇒ w/ recluserose

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Trepidation ⇒ w/ recluserose

[Amelia's home, pacing back and forth. She had called Madigan over and well... she looks upset. And understandably so. It had been a while since she had seen either Thor or Loki and if her tracking spell was correct (and it took a hell of a long time to make sure it was right; she was dealing with the Trickster God after all), Loki was on earth-- but she was also following news and... WELP there was that incident in Germany that finally clinched it.

Amelia throws her hands up in the air in exasperation and some green magic seems to spark around her to match her mood.]

What the HELL does he think he's doing!?

[She mad.]

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[Her voice is quiet, but there is a subtle tone of severity]

But all you're doing to fill that lack of importance is to hurt what others find precious. And when you do that you can already see that people will fight back harder.

[A beat.]

There's only so much the world can give you, but it is not yours to take.

[There's something about his expression that transforms upon hearing her words, something that turns his lips downwards into a scowl of displeasure, with a hint of questioning confusion. He takes her severity and twists it into his own, mirroring it in his tone.]

Is it not? According to whom?

[And he stands again, to his full height, the tall God of Mischief with the biggest chip on his shoulder that'll bring the entire world down around him if he wished it. He approaches her again, until he can walk no further.]

According to the leaders and so-called rulers already residing on Earth? Do not patronize me – I expect more from you out of all of my acquaintances. Midgard is not filled with peace and kindness, but rather a herd of displaced sheep who scramble about their lives, lost and mindlessly rushing into their own self-made slaughterhouse. I will take this world and mould it into something better; I will grasp onto my right as king and use it as I would have upon Asgard.

Odin may not have me, but Midgard will. Things will be better. I will see to it myself, Amelia.

[The Emerald Witch has kept her cool despite his mad words. It was hard to deny anything that he said. Earth was imperfect, full of hurts and hatefulness. Another reason why she hid herself away.

And yet...

She places her hand on the glass shaking her head.]

If you expected that from me, then you still don't understand me as well as you think you do. And I can say the same for myself concerning you.

[She emits a hollow chuckle. Sad, bitter, and yearning.]

In the end there was nothing was there?

[Loki leans forward, placing his own hand where she rests hers on the glass, opposite. His curls into a fist, however – not necessarily out of anger, but out a passionate refute of her words.]

How can you say such things to me, without so much as flinching? I've seen the pain in your eyes, the sort that you try so very hard to hide from the rest of the world. This realm, which has done you as many wrongs as Asgard has done to me. How can you say that there was nothing?

We are kindred spirits, you and I. Why else would you have bothered to come? You could have sat at home, left me to my fate. But here you are.

[The Trickster's words dig deep into her heart making the conflict feel even deeper than it should have been allowed to be. And suddenly her teacher's words echoed in her mind.

"He made you happy. People that love and people who are loved exchange a part of themselves that can never be replaced."

This is why it hurt so much, this is why she wanted to break down, collapse, and give up. At this point, one would have burst into tears from this situation and the circumstances surrounding it and yet she did not want to resort to that. She knew neither her words or any tears she might have shed would have appealed to him, not when he was so set in his mind about his plan.]

Loki... kindred spirits we may be, but there is a difference between you and I; you blame others for your misfortune and I blame myself for mine.

The reason why I live among humans in this world is because I love them. I love living and experiencing all those things in life that I had neglected in my younger years. I love them to the point where I would lay down my life to protect the people I live with.

You... you don't have that kind of love for this world. There is nothing you want to protect. Perhaps not even me.

[And here it is, he thinks to himself. The moment where she loses faith in everything that you've done, in everything that you are, in everything that you hope to achieve.

His own fault, perhaps. Another thing to add to the list of grievances against his self-assurance, however much he pretends that such a list doesn't exist. Something inside of him coils up and threatens to spill, all the bitterness he holds towards himself and his circumstances surrounding him.

I am tired, so tired, of losing EVERYTHING!

He slams a fist against the glass, suddenly, loudly, angrily. The sound resonates throughout the room, and the force is enough to make the cell precariously shake on the large metal hinges it hangs upon.]

I blame others for my misfortune rightfully so! [Of course he does not say what is buried in the pit of his chest, but focuses on a different issue altogether to assert himself with.] You think me a tyrant, Amelia, that I would not treat this world with kindness? Have you not listened to what I've been saying?

[At her last words, he remembers an echo of his own, as he hung from a broken bridge and looked up at a Father that wasn't truly his.

I could have done it, for you.]

Or do you simply not believe I can do it?

[There is a sharp intake of breath as his words and rash action wash across her, hot and stinging with its anger and desperation. But the witch does not falter; she puts her hand down from the glass when the resonating ceases.]

Then what have you done to right those wrongs? Make even more? I've been listening alright and yet all I hear is someone who still doesn't understand why everyone is resistant to your so-called benevolent rule! This isn't whether you can or cannot, but rather you should not. I say this because I know people will fight back when you threaten what is precious to them and that you will not be spared from their anger.

[Amelia bites her lip as she desperately tries to control her shaking curling her fingers into fists]

I lost the first person I ever gave my heart to.

[To someone like you she would say, but it was irrelevant because she knew where her heart was now.

It was so hurtful, but it was the truth.]

Don't be someone else I'll lose as well.

[Loki's already clenched fist begins to shake as he leans against the glass, his eyes taking in every inch of her expression and every inflection behind her words. When he speaks, however, his voice is low and barely heard past the barrier between them.]

I am tired of being told what I am doing is wrong.

[And then he pushes against the glass with his fist, using the force to straighten and take a step away from her. He extends his arms in an open gesture, continuing to move back.

Strangely, disturbingly, a twisted sort of smile forms on his face. Any humour that exudes from him is betrayed by the harsh delivery of his words.]

Tired of being delegated to a destiny wrought not by my own hands! You speak of differences, Amelia? The difference between you and I is that I will not stand idly by and let sorrow and disgust eat at my soul, like Nidhogg gnaws on the roots of Yggdrasil.

[A hollow sort of chuckle escapes him and he drops his hands to his side.]

Perhaps the threads of fate are meant to be cruel to us both; maybe it is written that we both shall suffer tragedy and never know what true [happiness] repletion is! But I will not stand for it. I deserve better.

As do you.

[It's her side that faces him, but he should be able to see a bittersweet smile form on her face. It's a smile that one gives to someone he or she cares about because it cannot bear to be angry anymore.]

You made me happy though Loki. From the first day we met and everything that happened since then I found more reasons to smile rather than punish myself for living.

[She leans against the glass in resignation, the light from the cage illuminating the strands of her red hair.]

... This is cruel indeed. For once I thought I could... [Her eyes rest on the floor]

Edited 2012-05-22 07:15 (UTC)

[The smile doesn't completely fade, but it does soften around the edges – her demeanour is just enough to affect his, just slightly, and he watches her. His eyes trace her profile and the way locks of red hair fall around her shoulders before he finally speaks.]

You could what?

[Could what? She wasn't sure what was supposed to come next herself. She doesn't answer and closes her eyes.]

... Remember when I said that if I hadn't become a witch I probably would have never met you? And despite everything that's happened it wasn't for nothing?

[In a technical sense it wasn't all that long ago. Only a little over half a year, but it was amazing how such things could feel as if they were a lifetime and a faint memory of the past]

And remember how I said I would keep thanking you for the littlest things?

I do remember that. [A beat.] Have I ruined those memories for you? Now, seeing me as this? Caged due to an act of war?

[The questions are strangely sincere; they betray his belief that most everything in his life has often turned to decay.]

[She shakes her head.]

Even if that were true, I couldn't bring myself to say that. Not now and not like this.

... I'll have to leave soon. I suppose no matter what happens we'll... [Her heart feels like it's being strangled, but she got this far without collapsing. She could manage a bit longer to let him know and hear her words]

I need to thank you.

[He is silent for a bit. "Thank me for what?"

He needn't ask that. She was clear, she had stated the happiness she had experienced. However fleeting.

Perhaps Loki should feel grateful for that alone. But all he feels are the claws of sorrow (tinged with regrets, he was so full of that particular brand of poison) tearing at his insides. It was a familiar feeling; with the exception of something difficult to read behind the eyes, he hides it well.]

And I should apologize. For not being able to accomplish more.

I just wanted to thank you for letting me love you. And for feeling something for me as well. Just thank you.

[There, she said it. Amelia straightens up and turns to fully face him. She smiles and it's a genuine expression of tenderness mixed with equal parts of sorrow. And it was only for him as if they shared a secret only shared between themselves.]

Don't disappear on me. I'll be very cross.

[She shouldn't be feeling this way for him, not when he was dealing with inner and outer demons and lashing out against the world for his grievances. The feelings she had for him were so wrong in so many ways, but she knew if she threw them away now it meant that they were worthless to begin with.

All her experiences with love seemed to have a habit of repeating itself. It was a sweet, toxic, poison that invaded her senses before she realized it and when it was too late she found she could not live without it.]

... No matter what happens...

[A beat. She starts to step away from the cage.]

You know where to find me.

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Trepidation ⇒ w/ recluserose

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